Conversations with Sockbaby

New Animals Are Always Tricky

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:00:03 -0700

TinyDog: PLAYTIEM! *bouncebouncebounce*
Girl: Aww, who's a playful puppy?
Sockbaby: grumblegrumblegrumble
TinyDog: WE SHOULD PLAY BECAUSE ITS PLAYTIEM *bounce*
Sockbaby: No.
TinyDog: BouncyBouncyBouncyBouncy!
Sockbaby: PISS OFF
TinyDog: GAH!
Sockbaby: That's what I thought. Punkass.
TinyDog: Um... PLAYTIEM?!?!?!
Sockbaby: I WILL FUCKING END YOU
TinyDog: ....
TinyDog: Playtiem?
Sockbaby: WHICH PART OF "I WILL END YOU" DID YOU FAIL TO UNDERSTAND! DO YOU THINK I'M KIDDING? LOOK AT MY DAMN TEETH!
TinyDog: ok... playtiem over on this side of the couch, then.
Guy: What the hell, sockster? You usually love everyone.
Sockbaby: I love cats, and people, and maybe cousin dog *sometimes*. I have no idea what RatSpazz over here is supposed to be.
TinyDog: oh no I have a case of the JUMPING WIGGLES *poingpoingpoing*
Sockbaby: all of you suck forever.

The Struggle Continues

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 12:54:31 -0800

Sockbaby: I am in distress!
Littlecat: I shall spring to the rescue!
Sockbaby: I am in serious distress!
Girl: Ok, buddy, what's wrong?
Sockbaby: You kept going outside, now I want outside.
Girl: No way, man.
Sockbaby: But! But! It looks so nice outside!
Girl: Not until we get you a leash, big guy. Because our amusement comes first.
Sockbaby: Please!?!
Littlecat: Pft. Drama queen!

Born Free(ish)

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 10:26:36 -0800

Sockbaby: Fair maiden! Adventure awaits!
Girl: What are you warbling about by the back door?
Sockbaby: There are dragons to slay! Kingdoms to conquer!
Girl: I'm not letting you outside. You are an indoor kitty.
Sockbaby: I am a knight that must explore the Seven Kingdoms!
Girl: Oh, you mean crawl under the house and get dirty again? No.
Sockbaby: Help! I'm being oppressed!
Girl: Deal with it. It's freezing out and you'd want back in immediately.
Sockbaby: I must plan my escape! *flee*
Girl: Crackhead cat.

Sockbaby ran and hid under the house, which is...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 13:56:11 -0800

Sockbaby ran and hid under the house, which is filthy.

Adventures have consequences.

The Humans Text

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 19:43:51 -0800

STFUPenguins: When are you unleashing [ShortAG] on social media
SomeAuthorGirl: Not for years, bro
SomeAuthorGirl: You don't violate terms of service in this house whilst underage.
STFUPenguins: Well done.
STFUPenguins: While I was out, one of the cats punched up an FB convo about cats. From over a year ago.
STFUPenguins: I guess my house DOES do TOS violations
SomeAuthorGirl: Well. How old are the cats?
STFUPenguins: 6 years and 9 months, respectively
SomeAuthorGirl: Well. One of them isn't violating TOSS.
STFUPenguins: At 6?
SomeAuthorGirl: Cat years yo
SomeAuthorGirl: That cat is grown son
STFUPenguins: That's a measure of lifespan. A 6 year old boy with progeria who shits in a box and enjoys stomping on yarbles is still not legally qualified. I'd argue less so
STFUPenguins: Don't get me wrong, he's a good cat, but I'm not signing any loans for him
STFUPenguins: He'd take all of that money and spend it on rubs

Littlecat loves the carrier. Sockbaby? Not so much.

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 10:30:05 -0700

Littlecat loves the carrier.

Sockbaby? Not so much.

They really love that couch.

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 10:02:48 -0700

They really love that couch.

belleh rubs

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:02:12 -0700

belleh rubs

Littlecat is a bit of a punkass

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 09:34:17 -0700

Littlecat is a bit of a punkass

Littlecat in a tent

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 22:55:34 -0700

Littlecat in a tent

“Look, Guy. It’s time for headbutts. And a...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 10:17:36 -0700

“Look, Guy. It’s time for headbutts. And a haircut”

“Can I be under the blanket with you and get...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 10:20:36 -0700

“Can I be under the blanket with you and get rubs?”

Why, yes, little one. You can.

Paved with Good Intentions

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 14:40:35 -0700

Guy: Hey Sockula. Time for ear drops.
Sockbaby: I RESENT THIS
Guy: Well, I resent cleaning crap out of your ears for 3 years, and I have the thumbs.
Sockbaby: AGH IT'S ALL DRIPPY
Guy: I know, bud. Sorry, your ears are almost literally crap. Ok, we're done.
Sockbaby: GAH ERR I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
Littlecat: Hey, are you ok?
Sockbaby: GUY PUT THINGS IN MY EAR
Littlecat: Oh, it's ok. I can help.
Sockbaby: Really?
Littlecat: Oh, totally. Lemme clean that out.
Sockbaby: HOLYCRAP THANK YOU!
Littlecat: Yeah, I'm just gonna climb on your shoulders there and lick that stuff ouGAH BAD TASTE BAD TASTE I INSTANTLY REGRET THIS DECISION FLAWARBLE *bolt*
Sockbaby: Hello?
Sockbaby: Littlecat?
Sockbaby: halp...

baconqurlyq: Sockbaby’s reaction to being awakened by being...

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 08:51:59 -0700

baconqurlyq:

Sockbaby’s reaction to being awakened by being bitten in the head.

Sockbaby’s adventures in parenthood.

naptiem

Thu, 02 Aug 2012 13:53:36 -0700

naptiem

baconqurlyq: “Just walk away. This doesn’t concern you.”

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 10:20:31 -0700

baconqurlyq:

“Just walk away. This doesn’t concern you.”

#2

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 10:27:37 -0700

Tinycat: HEYOooooo!
Sockbaby: ....
Tinycat: So, what are you doing?
Sockbaby: Really?
Tinycat: What are you up to?
Sockbaby: I'm taking a dump.
Tinycat: Wanna play?!
Sockbaby: I AM TAKING A DUMP
Tinycat: Let's play swatface! *SwatSwatSwatSwat*
Sockbaby: DAMNIT KITTEN LET ME POOP IN PEACE
Tinycat: Hey, is there room in there? What's going on in there?
Sockbaby: Why the hell do you suck so much!?
Tinycat: Ooooh. Hedgie! Gotta go! *poing*

Harley now enjoys grooming sessions… for the most part.

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 10:24:54 -0700

Harley now enjoys grooming sessions… for the most part.

My Cats Are Sheltered

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 10:28:00 -0700

Guy: Hey, Harley. Can we talk for a sec?
Tinycat: Anything for tummyrubs!
Guy: Ok hop on... Listen, I'd really appreciate it if you played with your hedgie out in the open.
Tinycat: But it's my hedgie...
Guy: I know, and that's cool, but when you play with it behind the entertainment center it keeps sounding like you're messing with wires and I'm getting tired of checking on you.
Tinycat: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that ArchDuke MonkeyPants needs to monitor my every move. I'm sure it's for my own safety...
Guy: Listen, it's not that big of a deal. Just play with it on the rug or something.
Tinycat: It's my hedgie. I should get to take my own private hedgie wherever I want!
Guy: Yeah, but I can't have you going into wires.
Tinycat: You're infringing on my property rights!
Guy: You're a cat!
Tinycat: I can do whatever I want!
Guy: You've been talking politics with Sockbaby again, haven't you?
Sockbaby: END THE FED!!!!

Suspicious Behavior

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 10:21:30 -0700

Tinycat: MUAHAHAHA! I AM A FIERCE WARRIOR!
Guy: Cat, what the hell are you doing back there?
Tinycat: GRAY JUNGLE NINJA!
Guy: Cat!
Tinycat: What?
Guy: What are you doing back there?
Tinycat: Playing with my hedgie.
Guy: You're not biting on wires or anything?
Tinycat: Nope! Hedgie.
Guy: You're not biting your way into moving boxes? That's a whole lot of noise.
Tinycat: No, seriously. I'm just playing with the Hedgie.
Guy: Seriously, you better not be messing up the bar.
Tinycat: ...Head. Gee.
Guy: Ok, ok, yeah I can see you now. Sorry. Carry on playing with Hedgie..
Tinycat: Weirdo.